The light turned yellow
Thanks to Tony H.The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk,
even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration,
as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.
You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn,
flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder,
the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker,
and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....
I assumed you had stolen the car."
Hi, I'm Bob
Thanks to Tony H.Computer Humour
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Photos - No Words Required
Thanks to Jim W.Parking With a Cell Phone
Thanks to David H.Non-pc Liverpool jokes
Thanks David H.
Q. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music
- who is driving?
A. The policeman..
Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
A. Father's day
Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands
A. The policeman..
Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
A. Father's day
Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands
if they too are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,
'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked,
'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan,
so I'm a Chelsea fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone,
'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan.
You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time...
What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict,
what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs:
'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it,
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,
'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked,
'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan,
so I'm a Chelsea fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone,
'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan.
You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time...
What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict,
what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs:
'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it,
thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:
'My God!
The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
A Scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said
The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
A Scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said
'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing.
We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing.
We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters.
You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes
and wear the uniform provided.
The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided.
You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays.
The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning
The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning
when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disk..
It later turned out to be a tax disk..
Why marrying a good speller is important
Thanks to Cory A.| 2009 | Mar | Apr | May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep | Oct | Nov | Dec | April | May | ||
| 2010 | Jan | Feb | Mar | Apr | May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep | Oct | Nov | Dec | 22 | 6 |
| 2011 | Jan | Feb | Mar | Apr | May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep | Oct | Nov | Dec | 29 | |
| 2012 | Jan | Feb | Mar | Apr | May |
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