Family humour weekly magazine on Sunday
Jokes, Videos, Pictures, Presentations and Spoofs
Showing posts with label Sunday family humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday family humor. Show all posts
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Sunday
Family Humour 24th June BRITISH HUMOUR
Kids and the Tablecloth Trick
London's Tower Bridge
Always Look on the Bright Side
Beautiful Canada
India's Most Luxurious Train
A Spherical Flying Machine Page 2
Politician and a monkey
Pulling Teeth Dad's Style
An Unusual Structural Engineer
What a Motorcycle
Hilarious in India
Old and Rare Pictures of Famous People.
Golf Fails
Hash House Harriers
Sunday Family Humour 17th June
Village chemist shop
Excellent Photos
World's Best Bartender
EATING IN THE FIFTIES
The Whale Show
Cartoons For Seniors
Perfect Husband Page 2
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50
Selected Great Photos 2012
Gone Walkabout
Why British Wore Red
Bridges Relax and Enjoy
Password Problems
Hash House Harriers
Sunday Family Humour 10th June
MATURE LADY DRIVER
The Front Fell Off
Must be the greatest card trick ever
Cat and Dolphin
Power of the moment
Happy spring
Big Toys Page 2
THIS IS AFRICA
Unusual and Humorous Activism
Psychotic dolphin plays with woman diver
Bring me Sunshine
Live a Life That Matters
Pass the Cumbers
Cycling from China to Portugal
Hash House Harriers
In this week's issue
Sunday Family Humour 27th May Page 1 Paddy's Donkey
Doggy Door
Karma - Dalai Lama on 2012
Great Bar Room Signs
Twenty Five Great Truths
The Elephant Whisperer
Hot Rods Page 2
Sixty and Going On Strong
If I Didn't Have A Dog Or Cat
Office Faces
What the.....?
DON'T WASTE THAT LEMON PEEL
Train Link from Beijing to Shanghai
The Laws of Golf (revised)
Sunday, 20 May 2012
This week's Sunday Family Humour is now available. Please enjoy.
Sunday Family Humour 20th May Page 1A Woman's Week at the Gym
The Great Wall of China
Cheetahs and Reindeer
A Glass Of Red Wine
Great Mechanical Principles
Alaska
Spread the Stupidity Page 2 Two Old Footballers
Spain
Humming Birds
Can Your Ipad Do This
The World' Largest Flower
Roads
Spread the Stupidity
Hash House Harriers
The
light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,
stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
light by accelerating through the intersection.
The
tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was
still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the
face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit
her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After
a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was
waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm
very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while
you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and
cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper
sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to
Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish
emblem on the trunk, so naturally.... I assumed you had stolen the car."
Hi, I'm Bob
Thanks to Tony H.
Computer Humour
Thanks To John F.
Photos - No Words Required
Thanks to Jim W.
Parking With a Cell Phone
Thanks to David H.
Non-pc Liverpool jokes
Thanks David H.
Q. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music
- who is driving? A. The policeman..
Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ? A. Father's day
Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands
if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?' 'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea fan too!' 'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?' 'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!' Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it,
thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:
'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!' Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.' Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
A Scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said
'Hi, I'm looking for a job'. The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters.
You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes
and wear the uniform provided.
The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided.
You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays.
The Salary package is £200,000 a year'. The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!' The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning
when a suspicious object was discovered in a car. It later turned out to be a tax disk..
Thanks to David M.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question.. which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go
to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft
music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I goFridays."
George W. Bush
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan
"I've had bad luck with all my wives.
The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”
The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A
man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
"Wife wanted".
Next day he
received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have
mine."
Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
“Honey,
what happened to ‘ladies first’?”
Husband replies,
“That’s the reason
why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring,
then the wedding ring
...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno
Never
seen a bird shake water off like a dog does
- wouldn't want to get in
the way of him
when he's got his eyes locked and his talons in the
"load" position!
There are 3 sequences in this one YouTube.
1st sequence he catches half a dozen fish in one strike. 2nd sequence he plunges talons into deep water right to the bottom to grab his prey. 3rd sequence he captures a big old fat fish that looks as if it weighs more than he does!
There
was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested
in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to
make it go a wee bit further.
As
it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the
Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one
of their biggest buildings.
Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So
he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and
buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
water...
Well,
Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky
opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all
over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on
the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the
thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool.
He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
So he got down on his knees and cried:
"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...
(You’re going to love this)
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
Close in with Gorillas
Thanks to Paul S.
Gorillas
Historical Photos
Thanks to Ray O'.
Imagine you are the photographer. Try to feel the vibes at the time of the picture. Most pictures are USA about 100 years ago, but they evoke memories of all cultures from one hundred years ago or more recent.
Historical photos.ppt
Moral Test
Thanks to Bill S.
Moral Test....Read to the end before making a judgment...Cheers
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
*** THE SITUATION: ***
You are in London. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
*** THE TEST: ***
Suddenly, you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar....
You suddenly realize who it is.... It's the Muslim Cleric, Abu Hamza, the one-eyed, hook handed bastard who hates non-Muslims and wants the UK to become an Islamic state!!
You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.
You have two options:
You can save the life of Abu or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's most despised, evil and powerful men!
*** NOW THE QUESTION AND PLEASE GIVE AN HONEST ANSWER ***
Would you select high contrast colour film or, would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
Road Rage
Thanks to David M.
African elephant, as opposed to Thai elephants!
These photos was taken in Pilanesberg gamereserve,
South Africa. The guy in the Volkswagen was trying to get past the
elephant in typical VW arrogance and he got his comeuppance.
Why Teachers Drink
Thanks to Captain Bob
An Eagle, a Fox and a Cat in Harmony
Thanks to ATS
Fox Eagle Cat
Retarded Grandparents
Thanks to Ray M.
After Christmas, a teacher asked her
young pupils to write an essay on how they spent their holiday
away from
school.
One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays
with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house
but Grandpa
got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives
in nice little
houses, and so they don't have to mow the grass any more!
They ride around on their bicycles and
scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are
any more. They
go to a building called a wreck centre, but they must have got
it fixed because
it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don't do
them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they
all jump up and down in it with hats on.
At their gate, there is a doll house
with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so
nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts!
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.
And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of
the people
can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do
get out, bring
food back to the wrecked centre for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all
his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I
can be
retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be
the man in the
doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their
grandchildren.
